I have to ask your forgiveness as I didn’t post last week. I actually completed one of the books suggestions but thought my attempt was rather poor and voted for a redo in the near the future. (More on that in an upcoming post.)
This week’s “to-do” however, was a success! If you read my previous posts, it’s no secret spontaneity is not one of my strongest qualities, but something I’m working on constantly. Eva’s book, Things to do now that You’re…Single Again, isn’t just filled with things to do but also uplifting words of wisdom to live by such as the quote below.
This weekend being, my deceased boyfriend’s birthday and what would have been our 9th anniversary together, was excepted to be difficult time for me. But as with most things in life there is a pessimistic and optimistic way to look at things. Most would say death has few optimistic viewpoints, but with half the determination as I have to find them, I assure you, anyone can get by. So with optimism and spontaneity I was determined to see this weekend brightly through.
Eva’s book suggested I, “Brighten up your weekend and throw a party at short notice. Call your friends and ask everyone to bring a bottle and a surprise guest. They day before, blitz clean your home and buy drinks and party snacks that are easy to prepare. On the night, make sure you’re looking your best. Put on some great music and dim the lights- or light some candles to create a more flattering ambiance.”
I think the goal of this was to get all your friends and their “surprise guests” (which I understand as good-looking bachelors) to come together for a meet-and-great type of shin dig that pulls a broken woman out of her rut and into the joys of single life. Personally, the feminist in me is screaming how about we enjoy being single without the fun in man-hunting, but rather the independence and accountability to no one but ourselves. Some would say this whole paragraph is built on assumptions, all this aside, I completed this “to-do” with some tweaks.
I didn’t host the party or even have much to do with the planning. My boyfriend’s sisters asked my opinion on what to do for his birthday and I suggested they invite all his friends over for the beer-pong bon fire, barbecue, type party he would have been enjoying if he were here. The type of party he had thrown in the past. Simple and fun with the people he loved.
They blitz cleaned and prepared the food and drinks. I simply brought the cake and myself! Less responsibility, an extra bonus, allowing for more fun.
I did make sure to look my best and enjoyed the company of all the guest; some whom I knew and some whom were indeed a surprise. As the day turned into night and the night raged on, I *spontaneously* snuck off for a bit with some close friends to a pub for a toast to the life my boyfriend lived, to the people he brought together, and the love he left behind. I danced. I smiled. I laughed, loudly. I enjoyed the party he would have brought to life.
I stayed out later than I ever would and when I finally returned to his mother’s house, where the party was located, his closest friends were the only remains, all sitting by the bon fire, drinking the last of the beer and cracking jokes.
Being the life of the party was my boyfriend’s role. He was a natural. He brought people of different cultures together easily, he made jokes, he was loud, sweet and friendly. Partying tends to be something I shy away from. It’s not really my life style or on my list of priorities. But I had always admired my boyfriend’s abilities, and spending that time with his friends, brought me to a better understanding of a side of him I didn’t know as well.
It’d be easy to end this post here, but I was spontaneous this weekend, there is more.
The day before my boyfriend’s birthday I went to my best friend’s. She happens to live only a few blocks away from the cemetery where my boyfriend was laid to rest. After a few drinks for bravery, we mustered up the courage to walk to the cemetery at two in the morning and down the dark bike path the goes through it. We stopped by my boyfriend’s plot where she let me vent the emotions I kept to myself for nearly a year now. She made me laugh at some revelation she had about him and we made jokes about what we were doing and how juvenile and morbid it was. But I have to be honest; it was exactly what I needed.
I did what the quote recommended. I stopped worrying about the past or what was to come in the future. I stopped letting the moments pass me by. I lived this weekend the way my boyfriend would have wanted me to and I feel refreshed. I feel ready to live. I feel ready to keep seizing the moment.